Chapter 26: I noticed it for the first time
Twirling my amber-colored, thin hair around my fingers, I think absentmindedly.
Until now, I had always thought that Julian-sama had no strengths other than his appearance and status. I even believed that he should be grateful for being engaged to someone like me.
But that was a big mistake.
The reason I can barely manage to act like a good girl now is because I’ve reversed my life. It’s only because I know about that terrible outcome that I’m trying so hard to be good.
While apologizing for hurting me with his sorrowful eyes, Julian-sama offers me a lot of sweets, even though he’s not on his second life like me.
“Aliseteen, are you okay? Couldn’t you find anything you like?”
Julian-sama is certainly different. He’s expressionless and unreadable, and doesn’t treat me kindly as his fiancee. But that doesn’t prove that he’s not a kind person.
“Well…that’s just how it is…”
I mutter quietly, as sixteen-year-old me.
Julian-sama simply disliked me. I didn’t want to accept it, so I looked down on him. He doesn’t recognize my worth just because he has flaws himself. Eventually, he’ll realize and appreciate me.
“Hey, is everything okay?”
Julian-sama’s eyes now appear concerned. Looking at him like this, he’s not completely expressionless after all. Perhaps it was only towards the previous me that he was like that.
To those around me, I must have appeared ridiculous. I couldn’t admit to being disliked and pretended as though I was the one chosen by Julian-sama.
“…It’s nothing. I’m just lamenting my foolishness.”
“Huh?”
Julian-sama furrows his brow in confusion.
I stare at him and mutter to myself.
“You were good from the start. You are completely different from me.”
“Aliseteen…? What are you talking about?”
“Julian-sama is charming just the way he is, as Julian-sama.”
I am Aliseteen Quatra, the daughter of Duke Quatra. Other than that, I have no value.
…Wait, why am I feeling so down, Aliseteen? It’s not worth it for Julian-sama to maybe turn out to be a good person.
After lowering my head once, I raise it forcefully. The current Aliseteen will never be discouraged. If I am, I would end up dying like that again.
“… Hey, Alisete—” “Julian-sama!”
Cutting off his words, I tightly grabbed his hand with both of mine. Ignoring his confusion, I sparkled my eyes.
“I’m going to live by being a role model to many people from now on!”
“A-A role model?”
“Yes, that’s right!”
I used to blame everything on the environment, but I realized that Julian-sama was different. Even though he could punish me for disrespecting him, given his position, he didn’t. The current Julian-sama doesn’t rely on being a prince.
I should learn from that.
“Everything is for me to become a good girl!”
“Do you want to be a good girl?”
“Yes! This is the truth inside my heart, without any lies!”
I pointed to my chest with my index finger, just as he did to me earlier. Julian-sama looked baffled for a moment, but then chuckled.
“I’ve never met a girl like you before.”
“Is that a compliment?”
“Of course.”
This is the second time I’ve seen Julian-sama smile. Despite his face usually as beautiful as a sculpture, when he smiles, he looks like a child. Actually, he was genuinely a child now.
“I want to know more about you.”
“Huh?”
“Let’s be friends from now on.”
Julian-sama kissed the back of my hand while holding it. Seeing me frozen like a statue, he then gave me a mischievous smile.
昔はよく気に入らない令嬢をNoa-niisamaに誘惑してもらい,その後でただの遊びだとどん底に突き落としたりしていた.
“着るものを選んでと言ったのは私なのに,全部嫌がってばかりで.”
…今思えば私って,本当にとんでもない女だったのよね.死んでせいせいしている人達が一体どのくらいいるのかしら.
頭の中の私を大声で怒鳴りつける.もう絶対にあんな思いは嫌だ.今だって週に何度も,悪夢にうなされては泣きながら目覚める.
In the past, I used to ask Noa-niisama to seduce the young ladies I didn’t like, and then leave them in despair after playing with them.
“I was the one who told you to choose what to wear, but all I do is complain about everything.”
… Looking back now, I was truly a terrible woman. I wonder how many people are relieved that I’m dead.
I shout at myself in my head. I never want to feel that way again. Even now, I have nightmares and wake up crying several times a week.
𝕆𝕟𝕘𝕠𝕚𝕟𝕘
𝕋𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕤𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 ℂ𝕠𝕞𝕡𝕝𝕖𝕥𝕖𝕕
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