Chapter 66: The Ugly Heart
“I knew the future.”
Not knowing what to say, I began speaking like that.
“I didn’t know everything. Even so, I knew some of the future. But it wasn’t a future that I could accept.”
Without noticing that the first person has changed from “he” to “her”, I continue talking.
*TL: sentencing structure can’t be translated to english
“In order to change the future, I lied about my gender and joined the knights. I couldn’t think of any other way. And I became William-sama’s escort knight.”
I fall silent after saying that much.
(What a clumsy explanation.)
I thought that, but I couldn’t think of any more words to add.
(There’s no way I can say “You were destined to die” to William-sama himself.)
William-sama, who had been quietly listening to my story, opened his mouth after seeing that I fell silent.
“That future is…for example, a future where I am harmed?”
I am surprised by those words and look at him.
How did he understand?
While staring at me as if he were asking that, William-sama narrows his eyes.
“When I heard that you became my escort knight in order to change the future, the first possibility that came to mind was that one. And from the moment we first met, you’ve only been thinking about protecting me.”
I timidly asked William-sama about his words.
“Can you really believe such a ridiculous story that I can see the future?”
William-sama tilted his head when I said that.
“I can’t think of a reason why you would lie. Since there are people who can talk to animals like Charlotte, it’s not strange that there are people who can see part of the future.”
I blinked upon hearing that.
I didn’t expect him to believe my story so easily.
The situation was progressing so quickly that I began to wonder if this situation, with William-sama alive and in front of me, was just a convenient dream.
William-sama took my hands and placed them on his chest.
“I don’t know anyone other than you who would risk their life to save someone else.”
I could feel a certain rhythm in my fingertips.
His heart was definitely beating.
(He is alive.)
That throbbing was telling me that it was a reality that he was alive.
(William-sama is alive.)
As I realized that this was not a dream, various feelings welled up inside my chest.
“You have always been working hard.”
A sob like a beast’s roar escaped from the corner of my mouth.
As tears of joy welled up, it seemed that the ugliness of my own heart was exposed before me.
The tears kept overflowing and wouldn’t stop.
(No… I wasn’t motivated by such beautiful feelings… I…)
I sobbed like a child and William-sama gently wrapped his hands around me.
“Thank you, Leah.”
As soon as I heard these words of gratitude from William-sama, the words stabbed into my ugly heart.
“Ah, I’m not a beautiful person worthy of being thanked by you like this!”
My scream, driven by passion, flew out of my throat and echoed throughout the room.
“I’m not made of beautiful selflessness, but of ugly selfishness…!”
(Because when I realized that you were alive, the relief that welled up inside me was that my heart was protected by avoiding your death. My actions have always been ego-driven. I’m trying to protect William-sama not for his sake, but for my own heart.)
“I just wanted you, who is my reason for living, to live with me so that I wouldn’t lose my reason for living!”
A cry like a scream of confession.
The strength of William-sama’s hand increased as he listened to my confession.
“… Hearing that, I feel relieved.”
William-sama smiled at me.
“I’m glad that I’m your reason for living. To be able to be your reason for living as long as I live, how happy that must be.”
Tears, thin and blurry, fall from my eyes.
He scooped up those tears.
“My happiness cannot exist without you. If you say that your feelings are ugly, then my feelings must surely be the ugliest in the world.”
William-sama’s gaze directly captures my eyes.
“I want to be with you forever. Leah, will you spend your lifetime with me?”
I was breathless at his words.