Chapter 48: Tears and Determination
Afterwards, I was immediately carried to the infirmary.
Although I should have explained the situation, Elias-sama and Alondra said they wanted to take care of it, so I decided to rely on them.
When I was examined by the infirmary nurse, she said my injuries were almost completely healed. She were impressed that healing magic was used, and I could only respond with a wry smile.
After the light treatment was finished, Lena-sensei came to check on me.
We had a brief conversation with a few questions. It was undoubtedly recognized that I was the victim, and because it was a major incident that shook the Academy, we would probably have to talk about it again.
“It must have been tough. I’ll escort you back to the dormitory, so it’s best for you to rest for a while.”
While Lena-sensei was considerate, she smiled at me to cheer me up as a wounded student.
Perhaps she sensed something even though she shouldn’t have known the reason why my mind wasn’t there.
When Lena-sensei and I arrived back at the dormitory, the dorm mother Barbara-san came out and escorted me to my room. I tried to thank her with a smile, but I’m not confident if it was successful.
My room was quiet with the night’s curtain drawn, and the cold air greeted me as I entered. Without even the energy to turn on the lamp, I took off my glasses and sat on the bed. Then, my eyes were drawn to the green lump placed on the bed board.
The stuffed hippo was a gift from Camilo after our visit to the zoo. The happy memories of that time are now painfully distant.
I hugged the stuffed hippo with a peaceful face, closed my eyes to cut off everything, and buried my face in the fluffy fabric.
“I’m the worst…”
My muffled whisper was absorbed into the back of the stuffed hippo.
I hurt Camilo.
I couldn’t stop his sad back.
But even if I did, what should I have said?
I don’t know. My head is already a mess, and the pain in my chest is so unbearable that I can’t think of anything.
At that moment, a small knock on the door hit my eardrums.
I sluggishly lifted my face and pushed open the door to my room while still hugging my stuffed animal, in a pitiful state.
There stood Alondra, and as soon as our eyes met, my friend frowned slightly. I smiled faintly at her.
“You got scolded by Dr. Bellis, didn’t you?”
“Like you have room to talk… Well, it’s true that he really gave me a thorough lecture.”
I invited the disgruntled Alondra in and had her sit on a chair for studying. I turned on the lamp and sat back on the bed again, still holding the same cypress stuffed animal in my arms.
“Leticia, are you okay?”
I immediately understood what she was asking me about.
I smiled and nodded slightly, trying to hide my feelings.
“I’m okay. Alondra, thank you for everything. I’m sorry for causing you trouble.”
“…Leticia.”
Alondra swallowed hard, as if holding something back.
Then, she bowed straight down. I gazed at her in a daze as her pale pink hair bounced up and down.
“I’m sorry. It’s because I acted on my own that things have become irreparable.”
“W-Wait, Alondra, hold on.”
“I don’t know how to apologize, but I really am sorry…!”
Alondra’s voice sounded so pained that I became really flustered. I placed my stuffed hippo beside me and aimlessly wandered in front of Alondra, who was still bowing her head.
“Alondra was thinking of me, right? You didn’t do anything wrong! On the contrary, I was the one in the wrong. If I had faced Camilo more…”
If I had faced him more.
…As if it would have gone well, I thought.
If I had faced him, would I have noticed what Camilo was carrying inside?
If I had faced him, would he have opened up to me?
No, that’s not it. I don’t even understand myself right now.
“What should I do, Alondra? I’ve done something terrible to Camilo…”
Alondra slowly raises her face. I wonder why I cannot see her face clearly through the haze, and finally realize that I’ve been crying.
I sit back on the bed and tightly hug the stuffed hippo, tears welling up in my eyes and spilling over, dampening the green back of the stuffed animal.
“I, I selfishly died on my own. That’s why Camilo…even though Camilo would never do something like that.”
With each word, my throat hurt, and my strained voice became difficult to understand. Despite Alondra feeling responsible like this, I couldn’t help but selfishly reveal what was in my heart.
What was Camilo thinking when he heard my words back then?
How terrible. I didn’t understand anything about Camilo. I never really tried to understand him in the truest sense.
It’s my fault that Camilo turned to revenge. This isn’t arrogance or anything; it’s the last sin of my first life, born from me, who never tried to care for those around me.
“Even though I’m studying so hard now, why do I always end up doing such foolish things?”
Tears overflow as I speak the unbearable regret.
I’m now making the same mistakes as in my first life.
I didn’t notice the pain of those close to me. It was the same with Alondra, and if it weren’t for Elias-sama, the same tragedy would have repeated itself.
It’s not guaranteed that it won’t happen again in the future. As long as I’m involved with someone, the same thing might happen again.
That’s why I always wanted to be a studious, plain-looking girl with glasses.
I didn’t want to inconvenience my parents, and I didn’t want to hurt anyone else because of my foolishness.
So I shut myself in. Creating walls, keeping a distance, and indulging in the things I wanted to do were comfortable for me.
“I wonder if it’s better if I’m not with Camilo anymore…”
If I can quietly live in a modest and secluded world.
Perhaps, that would be better for everyone——
“Leticia, I want you to listen to me.”
I looked up when I heard a rational voice, and Alondra was suddenly in front of me, apparently having moved on a chair with wheels.
I blinked my heavy eyelashes, weighed down by tears. In the orange light of the lamp, my best friend’s eyes were straight ahead.
“I am very happy to have met Leticia.
With a small smile, Alondra gave me gentle words like a sunbeam.
“This connection could not have happened if you hadn’t become a bookworm. It’s insensitive to say it now, but I really think it’s great that time brought us together.”
…That’s right. We ended up in the same research group for magic studies because I wanted to talk to Alondra and make studying more enjoyable, so I quietly expressed my wish.
In our first life, we were in the same class but hardly ever talked. I don’t know what Alondra thought of me, but I only remember her as an excellent student.
“Thanks to you becoming my friend, life at this Academy was really enjoyable.”
Alondra took out a handkerchief from her pocket and vigorously wiped my face.
No, Alondra. I had fun because you, yes you, became my friend.
“Please don’t say things that deny the chance to meet new people. Or do you want to distance yourself from me?”
Alondra, distance herself from me?
No, no way.
“I don’t want to be separated…!”
Without even thinking about the answer, I cried like a child because Alondra was too kind to me.
What am I saying? Making my best friend say such things is foolish.
Thinking that everything would be solved if I just let go of everything is wrong. That would mean denying everyone who tries to get close to me.
“Alondra, I’m sorry!”
“It’s okay. Leticia didn’t do anything wrong.”
As a discourtesy, I wiped my tears without hesitation with the handkerchief Alondra gave me. It became soaked, so I’ll have to wash it and return it later.
As I took deep breaths and sobbed repeatedly, my tears gradually subsided.
With my vision finally clear of the film, Alondra was looking at me with her usual expressionless face.
“Leticia, what do you want?”
Come to think of it, Alondra had said before, “Life exists for oneself.”
If building walls to avoid hurting others is wrong, then I have to choose for myself from now on. I might need to think carefully about it.
But the answer naturally came to my mind, and all I could do was smile and stand up. After all, this is my second chance at life. Protecting my loved ones is the most important thing, but I’m allowed to want something for myself too.
I rubbed the cheeks of my hippo on the bed to gather my spirits. Although the glasses on the desk had a crack, I put them on without hesitation and turned to face Alondra, who returned my determined smile.
“I’m going!”
“Sure, go ahead.”
Encouraged by her push on my back, I ran out of the room.
This time, I’ll go tell Camilo everything.
Everything I couldn’t say before, everything.
I’ll say it all, everything!
Driven by impulse, I run through the sparsely populated dormitory and head outside.
It seems that dinner time is almost over. There’s no one outside, and the hustle and bustle from the cafeteria is distant.
First, I’ll go to the dormitory. If he’s not there, I can search the entire school.
The boys’ dormitory is on the opposite side of the school from the girls’ dormitory. Of course, it’s off-limits to non-residents, but I’ll ignore that this time.
The distance I usually don’t pay attention to feels different when running. My breath is quickly taken away, and my legs begin to lose strength.
Still, I take the shortest route, and just when I think I can see the dormitory gate—.
Unfortunately, I end up having an unexpected encounter.
Footsteps of leather shoes echo in the darkness.
Golden hair and wide-open sapphire blue eyes in surprise.
In the dim light cast by the school entrance’s exterior light, I see a familiar figure, so much so that it’s astonishing.
“Marquis Benito’s daughter…”
Um, it seems that Prince Agustin has called out to me.
Can I pretend it’s just my imagination and pass by anyway…?
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