Chapter 47: You can’t change your first life – 〈Camilo〉
This must be how criminals feel when their sins are exposed to the light of day.
Although it’s completely dark outside, I wonder how much time has passed since I sat on the windowsill of my room. I can’t even remember how I got back.
I haven’t eaten anything since a light meal at noon, yet I don’t feel any appetite, as if my organs have disappeared.
I’m still wearing my Mardiq uniform. I should take a shower and change clothes already, but my body just won’t move no matter how much I understand that I should.
Remembering Letty’s appearance at the parting makes my whole body shudder.
Her originally white skin has turned so paper-white that it’s scary. Even when I was in jail in my first life, I don’t think she had such a despairing expression.
It’s my fault. I hurt her.
[Camilo wouldn’t do something like that!]
She trusted me so much. I betrayed and hurt Letty.
I probably won’t be able to see that beloved smile again.
I can’t even see that precious smile.
From now on, I won’t be able to protect her or tell her that I love her anymore.
It felt like I was thrown into a black whirlpool. My thoughts weren’t functioning properly, and all I felt was suffocating.
It’s scary. The thought of meeting Letty again scares me beyond words.
If those rose-colored eyes are clouded with contempt and fear… will I still be able to keep my sanity?
“You look terrible, Camilo.”
A voice spoke from a space where no one should be, and I thought I was hallucinating.
But the person behind the voice was none other than Elias himself.
“Hey. Since you didn’t answer when I knocked, I let myself in. Maybe you should start locking your door.”
Elias turned on the lamp with a decisive movement. His smiling face floated up in the light, and I became even more confused.
“Elias, why are you…?”
“Why? I came to complain. It was hard to explain the situation to the teachers because you left in a hurry. What are you going to do about it?”
Despite the spiteful lines, Elias’ tone was light. Without asking for permission, he sat on the bed and casually crossed his legs.
It was as if nothing had happened just now. It almost felt like everything was just a dream.
“No, that’s… well, I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, it’s fine. Miss Alondra went through the same hardships as me, so be sure to thank her next time.”
I inadvertently nodded, but due to my slowly rebooting thought process, I could feel the blood draining from my face.
“Why are you acting so normal…?! I, I am the one who…!”
——The one who killed your older brother.
My throat felt like lead, and I couldn’t get the rest of the words out.
From the moment the truth burst out of Miss Yserra’s mouth, Elias had a bewildered yet somewhat enlightened look in his eyes.
Well, that’s to be expected. It’s not surprising that someone who loses their rationality when Letty is hurt would do something like that.
“…Well, I was indeed taken aback by your ruthlessness.”
You were taken aback? You were taken aback and still smiling?
“It’s an event from my past life that I couldn’t possibly know. You did your best to prevent the same thing from happening to you, so isn’t that enough?”
What’s with that? That’s too generous.
Elias, I was lying. It’s not just about Agustin. You understand, right?
“Don’t forgive me so easily. I…I kept an important thing from you.”
My throat became dry and painful with every word I spoke. As I looked back into Elias’s sapphire blue eyes with my own clouded gaze, a calm smile appeared on his face.
“Perhaps the other condition for regaining your memory is to have died at the point in time when you’re trying to go back to…don’t you think so?”
Elias is right. The most likely possibility for the final condition is “only those who died before me.”
There’s a clear difference between Elias, who regained his memory, Miss Yserra, and Miss Luna, who didn’t. The most obvious difference is whether they died before me or not, at the moment the time went back.
At this point, the number of people who have regained their memories is still too small to make a definitive statement, but I think it’s a highly credible conjecture.
“I’m truly sorry. You helped me, but I wasn’t sincere.”
At the point when the four of us talked about it, I had already realized the possibility.
But I couldn’t say it. If I told everyone when I died, they would surely question why I died so early.
I really am a coward.
“…Miss Alondra tried to capture Miss Yserra all by herself, you know.”
As I was feeling down, a new topic started, so I slowly raised my face.
As always, Elias was smiling.
“I know she doesn’t want to be a crown princess, but she didn’t want to tell Miss Leticia either. So when she tried to fight Miss Yserra, Miss Leticia jumped in and got injured. They’re both too brave, really.”
“Is that so…”
Come to think of it, I hadn’t known the details of how things had led to that situation since the shock of Letty learning the truth was too overwhelming.
Both of them are incredible. They really care about each other.
“Being human, everyone has one or two things they don’t want to say. Even I can think of a few things I haven’t told you.”
Elias smiles mischievously. I know well that this second prince has been working hard behind the scenes, but there’s still more to uncover.
“There are no people who don’t lie or make mistakes. If something irreversible happens, it’s a different story, but fortunately, we’re in a situation where we can start over as much as we want, thanks to the miracle of turning back time. Whether to forgive or not is none of a third party’s business; it’s up to the people involved to decide. That’s what I think.”
As he spoke with a tone as if stating the obvious, I unknowingly relaxed my tense shoulders.
Ah, it’s true.
I’m blessed with good friends.
He said he came to complain, but it seems like he actually came because he was worried about me.
“…Elias, thank you.”
I think to myself again, what a big man he is.
Elias is now known as a wise and kind-hearted prince, but he wasn’t always like that.
As for the adults’ evaluation of him back then, it was something like this: the eldest son who can do anything, and the second son who can’t compete with his older brother no matter what he does.
I used to get angry at those irresponsible opinions, but Elias always smiled and worked hard without getting discouraged. He studied relentlessly, even sacrificing sleep, and devoted himself to martial arts and swordsmanship to compensate for his low magical power.
When we spar without using magic, I sometimes lose to him. He’s truly amazing.
Elias knows the pain of not being appreciated by others. That’s probably why he can be kind to everyone.
“Besides, I don’t think Miss Leticia dislikes you. Try talking to her when she calms down.”
Although I must admit, this kindness is honestly painful to my heart.
“It’s impossible. If Letty rejects me, I won’t be able to go on living…”
“It’s not a joke when you say it.”
As I hug one knee on the window seat, I hear a sigh of disbelief.