Chapter 9: Her Savior
For about ten days after that, my emotions were extremely unstable and I could hardly leave my room. When I saw myself as a five-year-old, I took a pose in front of the mirror, thinking how cute I was. But then, I suddenly became afraid and tears started flowing out of my eyes. Even when I tried to sleep, thoughts of my death kept haunting me, attacking my mind like a nightmare.
I would suddenly scream, thrash around, hide under my blanket, and tremble uncontrollably out of fear. Eventually, I didn’t even know what I was afraid of anymore.
My parents and three older brothers were deeply concerned about me, bringing me luxurious bouquets and cute stuffed animals, things that a child like me would enjoy, to my room.
But every time I saw my family’s faces, the memories came flooding back.
Not only at the moment of my death, but even after I was imprisoned, not a single one of them came to see me.
Even their concerned faces looked twisted to me.
The one who helped calm me down was my former nursemaid, Lili. I think she (I) had asked my father to dismiss her when I was around ten years old for some petty reason that I can’t remember.
I had thought of her as a useless nursemaid due to my vague memories, but now I realize how kind she was.
Lili was the one person who was not by my side when I had fallen from grace. That’s why I was able to talk to her without becoming paranoid.
“Ojo-sama, I have brought an apple for you. May I feed it to you?”
Lili took good care of me, tending to my needs. Even if I shouted and cried like a child, she would embrace me with her warm arms and stroke my back for hours.
Why did I dismiss Lili back then?
If it weren’t for this situation, I probably wouldn’t even remember her.
But now, I was saved by Lili’s warmth more than my own family’s.
Thanks to her, I gradually calmed down, and after ten days, I finally felt the need to sort out this situation.
I still can’t completely abandon the thought that maybe it’s all just a dream, but when the time comes, I must face it. The despair of living through that worst-case scenario again is beyond measure.
“In any case, it’s for my own sake to take action to prevent that from happening.”
Enjoying the soft feel of my own skin, I made a vow to myself.
I still don’t know exactly what I should do, but for now, I just have to take a different path than my previous life.
That’s where Lili comes in handy.
Even though I thought I was saved by Lili’s warmth, in the next moment, I was already thinking about using her. My natural villainous mindset was so ingrained that I didn’t realize my mistake at the time.
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