𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟒: 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐬, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝
“I’m such a fool. . .”
Even though I think that, my feelings of love for Jude don’t completely disappear even after remembering my memories. At that time, I couldn’t switch my feelings right away, so I thought I would at least satisfy my hunger. Because I truly loved him. It’s the same this time too.
It was a love that I wanted to hold onto, even if I had to wait.
Even though I didn’t know if he was safe, I believed in his survival and continued to wait. But it was a love that I couldn’t grasp just by waiting.
If there’s a difference between Jude and my childhood friend from the past life, it would be that Jude became a hero who saved the country. Even though we grew up in the same village, our positions are completely different now.
Even if I abandoned my childhood friend, it would be a very small event compared to his achievements. It’s different from him, who got involved with a cute junior from work.
But still, the scars of being abandoned are the same for the discarded woman.
They don’t easily disappear. The more time I continue to think about it and the stronger my feelings are, the more strongly I am bound to the past.
Time doesn’t turn back. My skin no longer gets sunburned, my hands don’t get rough, and I don’t even have calluses. I am truly a woman who has left the village. I have also grown taller, and I think I’ve lost a bit of my childishness.
That’s the two years I have spent in this life. It’s proof of time that will never return.
Since the day he was chosen as the hero, Jude ceased to be the childhood friend I knew. It took me three years to realize that.
What I gained in those precious three years of being an Apprentice Saint is bitter heartbreak, slightly higher rewards, and low-level bestowed magic. That’s all.
And as a bonus, memories from the past life? I didn’t want them if they only bring back painful feelings.
The protagonists depicted in manga and novels usually excel with abilities given by gods, but I have nothing. No, I don’t mind not having anything.
What I wanted was a peaceful happiness.
Dreams didn’t change in the past life or this life. To have someone I love, to have children. I wanted a family where we could all laugh together at the little joys in life.
Why does it always fall apart right in front of me? Maybe it’s just not meant for me. Regretting that won’t turn back time, and what has happened cannot be changed.
As a human, I can only walk towards the future. I won’t be crushed.
With the money I receive on the last day, I will go to a foreign land and find work. At this point, it doesn’t matter even if it’s a remote place.
I feel sorry for my family that I left behind in the village where it’s common to get married before turning twenty, but marriage is no longer possible for me. My sister’s child was safely born, so I will reduce the financial support and save money to live on my own.
For that, I need to gather the necessary belongings for the journey.
Since I came straight from the village to here, most of the necessary items were provided in the dormitory, so I don’t have many personal belongings.
I have been wearing the Saint’s clothes that were given to me. Since I rarely go out on my days off, I have been rotating between the two outfits I brought when I left the village. Even those don’t fit me well anymore because I’ve grown taller.
I am devastated by the sad reality that the only dress that fits perfectly is the floral one I was wearing just now.
First, I should gather my everyday clothes.
As the destination and workplace change, so does the attire. It would be troublesome to buy a large quantity and regret it later. It would be enough to buy three or four sets of affordable clothes that can be mixed and matched.
Once that’s decided, tomorrow will be for clothes shopping, and the day after tomorrow will be for buying other items.
The next morning, I wake up early and have breakfast.
A few days later, after lightly cleaning the room I will leave, I head out to town. As I leave the church, I am repeatedly greeted with words like “Are you going on a date with your lover again? I’m jealous!” I just smile and let it pass.
They mean no harm. It’s been a night, so the damage is less than yesterday.
The destination is not the upscale shops on the main street, but the affordable shops in the back alleys. Most of the locals and the aspiring Saint girls buy clothes here.
I had no interest in fashion back then and just casually listened. I didn’t think I would be indebted to them until right before I returned, but I’m glad it stayed in the corner of my memory.
I heard it’s always bustling, but the situation is different before and after the decision to return home. If I walk on the main street, I’m sure I’ll encounter familiar faces.
The dress I bought may be a bit expensive, but it seems to be this year’s trend, so some people might buy it as a souvenir from the capital. If I were to buy a souvenir for my sister, I would choose a shop over there.
“I wore it once, but I wonder if someone in the village would wear it if I send it.”
I mutter while looking for the perfect clothes. But immediately, I shake my head, thinking it would be the worst if my sister wore such an unlucky outfit. It would be a waste to think it was quite expensive.
I have to consider it as an investment to cut ties with the past. . .
Being here might stimulate the feeling of wastefulness. I hastily pick out some suitable clothes and bring them to the register.
Successfully obtaining the necessary clothes, I leave the store. After a few steps, I come to a sudden stop.
