Reset Life – Chapter 14

KR Translators:

・StarrySkySailor
・KawaiiKage
・ImmortalInk
・KingPotato
・SugoiSenpai

Chapter 14: What Do You Expect Me to Say When You Ask Me That? (4)

“……”

Before answering, I thought about it carefully.

Aila’s way of speaking is straightforward, without embellishment, and she speaks only the essence of what she feels. The more I think about it, the more I understand what she means.

Right before I died, what I wanted was, I didn’t want to die like that. I desperately felt the regret of wanting to live a little longer.

Where did that come from?

Being abandoned by my father and brother, and being drafted into the war right after.

When I had to go through that failure.

“I had no one by my side.”

No one to help me, no one to love me, no one to cherish me.

The biggest injustice I had to feel in that death was loneliness.

The loneliness of being alone in the world.

Bone-chilling loneliness.

If a fifteen-year-old boy felt something like that, how much more piercing would it be?

I’m not lonely now. Though small in number, I am steadily building people by my side. Marlin, Sword King Levidian. Even if I put aside Aila, who doesn’t know my inner thoughts, I’m not lonely.

Jounin has no one.

“He needed someone to trust.”

“What does that mean?”

“When I was going through failure……I had no one by my side. Alone……I had to go through it alone. No one was by my side, no one believed in me……”

There would have been fallen soldiers, but death is always done alone. However, not many people are left completely alone until that process.

“I desperately wished……someone……would reach out……to me.”

How much I longed for a hand to be extended with warm words and gaze, filled with kindness. I was already extending a hand of kindness to them, but they only held that hand when they needed it.

A hand that is mercilessly cut off when the time comes.

I was isolated from the world.

Aila put down her teacup and said.

“A mirror can only reflect. But people……can reach out and hold each other’s hands. The self in the mirror can never hold hands with what’s behind it.”

My initial thought about Jounin was to bring him into my sphere of influence. But now I think differently.

I just want to reach out to him.

Even if I’m the only one in the world who understands him, I want to tell him that there’s at least one.

“I need to find him, right now.”

I raised my voice and called the servant who was outside the room. I had him prepare a raincoat and took out a somewhat large piece of clothing.

“Risel, are you going now?”

Levidian stood up, expressing her intention to go as well. But I shook my head.

“I’m sorry, Master. I want to go alone.”

“But, Risel……”

“Don’t worry. Both of you……”

Just as I was about to say something, Aila suddenly spoke in a loud voice.

“Now that I think about it, I saw a giant today.”

“A giant?”

“Yeah. When I was touring the city by carriage, it was long after the rain had stopped. I think it was the north wall. He seemed to be packing up and leaving. He looked so much like Brizel that I couldn’t help but stare. I overheard it while the carriage was stopped for a moment. Something about a hut by the reservoir.”

She said that and smiled meaningfully. Seeing that meaningful smile, I suddenly felt a question. Could it be that she knew this would happen?

No. It must be a coincidence, she’s not a prophet from a legend.

“Thank you, Aila.”

“It’s a favor, don’t think of it as a debt.”

“I will. Still, thank you is thank you.”

Aila put her elbows on her knees and rested her chin in her hands, smiling brightly. Now that I see her, she’s just a girl of the same age……but I think I need to keep a closer eye on her.

Just then, the servant brought the raincoat he had prepared.

“I’ve brought the raincoat. If you’d like, I can call someone for an escort……”

“No, it’ll only take a moment. There won’t be any problems. You didn’t inform the butler or anyone else, did you?”

“Yes, as you ordered. However, if anything happens, please go to the nearby guard post and ask for help.”

“I will.”

I patted the servant on the shoulder and was about to leave when Levidian called me.

“Risel, what do you mean by ‘both of you’?”

I turned around with a smile. Her expression seemed devoid of any emotion, but I could detect a different look in her eyes. Because her eyes wavered slightly.

With a smile, I said to her.

“You don’t have to worry.”

“Well, of course. I’m not worried. Whose disciple are you?”

She turned her head away and lifted her teacup. I waved to them and left the room.

Rumble! Crackle!

Lightning flashed and a sound like a torrent raging echoed.

Hoo, what a nice night.

There was a bit of a scuffle with the guards at the north gate. However, I didn’t blame them for their one-sided treatment and had good friends who knew the virtue of silence. When I slipped them a few gold coins, the guards kindly informed me of the shift change time and told me to come back before then.

To the north of Berhints was a mountain that held a reservoir. The water flowing from the reservoir would normally have flowed leisurely down the northwest slope, but now it was clearly struggling against the swollen water.

Rumble! Crash!

The hut near the reservoir, which I had heard about from the guards, was on the embankment of the reservoir. When lightning struck, its shape became clearly visible. I moved towards the small shadow that suddenly rose from the flat mound.

Whoosh!

The rain intensified. The rain clouds poured down as if determined to decide fate here. However, if the rain stops, it seems like we’ll be able to see a clear sky tomorrow.

When I reached the embankment of the reservoir, I felt like I was going deaf from the sound of countless raindrops splashing on the water. The rainwater that poured from the sky struck the surface of the water with a terrifyingly fierce momentum.

Sizzle!

It’s like the sound of oil sizzling.

Rumble! Crash!

A flash of light, and a moment later, the sound of thunder. I relied on the light of the lightning and walked along the embankment towards the hut.

The hut looked much better than the house Jounin had lived in the slums until today. Because it looked like it could shelter well from the wind and rain. Seeing that it even had a fish-shaped doorknob made me laugh for some reason.

Knock knock.

“Jounin, are you there?”

“Who is it?”

“Someone you don’t know the name of. I’m coming in.”

I opened the door without hesitation, and Jounin’s voice became clearer. Along with it, I saw a huge back huddled in front of the fireplace.

His body turned towards me, and his mouth opened.

“Just go back……You are?”

“So you were here after all. I was worried what I would do if you had left.”

“Thank you for earlier today. But……what brings you here?”

“Just……I was worried.”

Jounin’s eyes widened. Thanks to that, his expression became even more frightening, but I knew he was surprised. If it weren’t for those scars, he would have looked quite decent.

“You were worried?”

“Yes. I was worried about where you would spend the night after being kicked out of your house, in this heavy rain.”

I said that with a pure heart. Anyone would be worried if they went out in this heavy rain. Even though it’s summer, it’s too cold. It’s hard to imagine that huge body catching a cold, but I’m still worried.

Jounin lowered his head slightly and turned back to the fireplace. I took off my raincoat in a suitable place and stood next to him. Even just sitting down, the top of his head is at my chest level.

“It’s been a long time……since I’ve heard someone say they were worried about me.”

“I guess someone said it to you before.”

“Yes. My mother……said that before she passed away.”

“I see. I’m sorry. You must have lived here?”

I looked around. That thing in the slums could hardly be called a house, but this was a pretty decent house. A little old, but sufficient.

In a corner of the house, an incense burner was placed on a table with long legs. And a piece of wood with writing on it was erected. It was a memorial tablet, an object of the nomadic tribes of the southern part of the continent.

Since they don’t make graves, the memorial tablet, which commemorates the dead instead of a grave, was written in awkward but sincere handwriting:

‘In memory of Jamai Yuse’s soul.’

It must have belonged to his mother.

“Yes. I lived here……until I was five years old.”

“What about your father?”

Judging from the absence of a memorial tablet, his father must be alive. However, I’ve never heard of him having a family before I died.

Jounin sighed softly and said.

“I know him, but he was someone I shouldn’t know.”

“So……”

Suddenly, my heart aches.

Damn it! A bastard child!

He can’t reveal his birth properly, he can’t talk about his father because it would harm him if he did.

Jounin continued his story.

“He didn’t offer any help, but I don’t resent him. Because my mother told me not to.”

“Your mother must have been from the ‘Negna’ tribe, right?”

“Yes.”

Negna is what the southern nomadic tribes call themselves. They are people who wander almost their entire lives. Perhaps his mother met his father, who could not be revealed, while wandering.

I scratched my head, thinking about what to say. Then, Jounin said in a low voice.

“You came all this way……but if you’re thinking of pitying me, please stop.”

“No. I’m not thinking of doing that. Didn’t I tell you? I came because I was worried. I was worried because I can understand your situation.”

“Don’t joke. How can you understand my situation, someone who came as part of the envoy?”

How did he know? Ah, well. It’s silly to ask how he knew while I’m wearing clothes like this.

I was wearing clothes made of high-quality materials that commoners couldn’t even touch. Unless you were a high-ranking official of the city, the only people who could wear clothes like this were the envoys who arrived today.

I smiled and said.

“You have a keen eye. Yes, that’s right. I am Arisein Herduke, the second son of the Herduke Dukedom. You can call me Risel.”

“The second son of the Dukedom……how can you understand the situation of someone like me?”

“I understand, more than anyone else in the world.”

“If you’re trying to make fun of me……please stop.”

Crack.

The sound of Jounin’s hand slowly clenching into a fist could be heard. Seeing his shoulders trembling, one would think that a nobleman’s son had approached an interesting person out of boredom.

I hardened my expression and said firmly.

“I’m serious. I understand your situation.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!”

Rumble!

Lightning struck behind his back as he jumped to his feet, and thunder followed his shout. I didn’t back down a single step and looked up at his face. He looked down at me and shouted fiercely.

“How can someone like you……someone like you who grew up without any shortcomings understand my situation! The Dukedom? How can someone born in a place where people tremble at the mere mention of the name understand me! How! Are you trying to make fun of me! You’re just trying to make fun of me……!”

“Because I’m a bastard too.”

My voice rang out clearly, piercing through Jounin’s shouts. His face, which had been raging like a demon, gradually turned blank. He asked, with an expression that suggested he had misheard.

“What?”

“I am also a bastard, although it’s different from what the world knows.”

Jounin was truly angry. So I had to open up my heart and show him myself. And let him know.

That there’s another person here who shares the same pain as you.

I said it.

The secret of my birth that I only learned before I died.

“In the past, the Duchess of Herduke gave birth to her eldest son, and two years later, she had a second son. With the issue of succession resolved, all that remained was a somewhat boisterous but close-knit family. People offered their blessings. The Duchess’s face was filled with joy, and even the Duke, known as the Iron Blooded, couldn’t hide the smile on his face.”

My father loves my mother very much.

This is a clear fact.

As strict as he was with others, he was also strict in his treatment of others. It’s common for nobles to have a mistress or two, but my father only looked at my mother.

A person who is strict with themselves is also strict with themselves.

“But, I wonder why. The reason why that strict man……embraced another woman when he knew his wife was pregnant. I don’t know that either. But……I think there must be something strong that could even break that strict man.”

Is that what you call love at first sight? An impulse he’d never felt before. An intense attraction to each other’s gaze. Intertwined fingers and breaths mingling with each other……Honestly, I can’t understand it.

However, it seems there are impulses in the world that are truly incomprehensible. One day, while inspecting his territory alone, my father met a woman and fell in love with her just like that.

When he told me that story, my father……had a very pained expression on his face.

Those dreamlike days.

It might have been because she left, the woman who made the strict father resolve to take her as a concubine despite the risk of criticism, after only three days, that he had such an expression.

“That could be called fate. The strong feeling of being drawn to each other. After three days, she left my father’s side without a word. My father searched for her everywhere, but in the end, he couldn’t find her. The dream ended in three days.”

That’s what I thought.

Perhaps out of guilt for falling for another woman, my father took even more devoted care of my mother. Seeing his actions, people said that the second child to be born would surely be a blessed child.

“That second child, to whom my father devoted himself, surely……had a blessing.”

The blessing of not feeling the pain of life.

By the name of death.

For some reason, the child was born after barely exceeding seven months in the womb. Naturally, the premature baby was weak.

The child died three days after birth.

Without even receiving a name.

“The death of the child. It wasn’t a miscarriage, nor a stillbirth. It was just weak. But my mother went half-mad. Because she had received so much love and devotion from her husband, but she had killed her child. She eventually came to believe that her child was alive.”

What must the husband have felt when he saw his wife rocking an empty cradle and singing a lullaby, breastfeeding a doll?

My mother refrained from going out, and so did my father. Because it was a disgrace to the Dukedom, and to themselves as well. The truth was concealed. Less than three servants knew the truth.

To those who were curious, my father explained that the premature baby was born too weak to go out. He intended to tell the world that the child had died when his wife finally accepted reality.

“If he hadn’t met her again on his return from inspecting his territory the following year……my father would surely have said the child had died.”

Even though she looked severely haggard after a year of reunion, he felt the same strong attraction to her as before. However, she was clearly destined to not live long, no matter who looked at her.

“She looked as if she had given all her life to the baby she had given birth to. The baby she held in her arms was wriggling with healthy vitality.”

Seeing the baby’s black and blue eyes, my father understood everything.