Chapter 21: Yes, I have a personality
“Oh no, I messed up…”
Now in my room, drinking warm milk with honey, I finally calmed down and was tormented by regret.
It was unacceptable for me to lose my composure in front of Julian-sama like that.
No, it was Julian-sama’s fault to begin with. After all, he treated me like that in the past. And then he had the nerve to say “you have a bad personality”?
If he said something like that, it’s not strange for me to have flashbacks. Which one of us is really twisted?
“…No, that’s not it. It’s not him, it’s me.”
The one I was really afraid of was not Julian-sama, but myself.
Thanks to Lili, I thought I had grown into a much “better person” than before, and that’s how it should be.
But when he said that clearly, I reflected on my own words.
——I am me after all.
Looking back now, I think Julian-sama was troubled at the time. It was hard to understand, but he was easier to understand than before.
Adults, filled with lies, are trying to get close to him because of his position as the fourth prince. Most people see Julian-sama as a ‘prince’ and don’t seem to care about who he really is.
I didn’t try to get close to him like that. I cut him off and told him not to be so picky. He’s just a five-year-old boy after all.
“Well, it’s true that I can’t deny having a bad personality…”
Although it annoys me when Julian-sama says that, I honestly reflected on the fact that I didn’t have the mindset of a kind person.
I may be Aliseteen, but I’m not the same as I used to be.
Now, I’m a person who constantly reflects on myself and keeps myself updated.
I can’t keep being afraid of my past memories forever. It’s time to accept it, Aliseteen.
“I have a bad personality! It’s bad!”
First, I have to accept myself.
As I raised my clenched fist high and repeated “I have a bad personality!” several times, Lili, who seemed to have been in the room without me noticing, hugged me tightly with tears in her eyes.
“What should we do, Ojo-sama! Oh, Ojo-sama!”
“Li-Lili, calm down. I’m perfectly fine.”
From now on, let’s use a quieter voice. I don’t want to burden her with unnecessary worries.
“Speaking of which, has Julian-sama already left?”
I slipped out of Lili’s arms and asked her.
“If it’s His Highness, he’s just returning now. That’s why I was going to call for Ojo-sama.”
“Thank you, Lili. I’ll go.”
I flipped my frilly dress and hurried to Julian-sama. It would be embarrassing to part ways like this, as I don’t know when we’ll meet again.
I ran down the spiral staircase and caught my breath, holding my chest with my small hand.
“Aliseteen, are you feeling well?”
“I apologize for earlier. Sometimes I just lose control.”
Julian-sama’s grey eyes flicker as he stares at me intently.
“Is something wrong?”
“Yes, it’s my personality.”
When I smile, I can tell that everyone except for me in the room holds their breath.
After a while of staring blankly, Julian-sama bursts out laughing loudly. He laughs like a child, cackling uncontrollably.
“You’re funny. You’re not what I imagined.”
“I’ll see you again.”
His smile disappears immediately, and his usual poker face returns, but his back as he gets into the carriage looks satisfied.
Come to think of it, that was the first time I ever saw him laugh.