𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏: 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

What’s wrong with being a hikikomori?

ㅤ

I, Mamori Honjo, want to ask this question to the common-sense people who condemn hikikomori all over the world.

What’s wrong with being a hikikomori?

Is it because they cling to their parents’ legs, living like parasites with no income?

If that’s the case, they shouldn’t be able to criticize me, who doesn’t leave my room at all but has an income from stock trading and crowdworks.

ㅤ

And yet, my parents, who have no understanding of hikikomori, try to take me outside every chance they get.

A counselor-like person visits our house regularly.

For me, it’s nothing short of torture.

Just having humans in my field of vision, just feeling people’s gazes, I feel a physiological disgust and am overwhelmed by an uncontrollable fear.

ㅤ

That’s already a disease.

A mental illness.

It’s a legitimate disease called anthropophobia.

Even my parents know why I’m mentally ill, and they understand that part, so they don’t force me to go out.

At least, I don’t think they’ll wrap me up in a mat while I’m sleeping and kick me out of the house.

That’s why this house is the only sanctuary where I can feel safe.

I honestly wish the counselor who intrudes into that sanctuary would die.

I want them to go extinct.

Please die, seriously.

I think that from the bottom of my heart.

ㅤ

The problem with my parents is that they’re trying to cure my illness in such a way.

I have no intention of living such a painful life of treatment.

I’m going to live with the disease. . .or rather, I gave up on curing the disease a long time ago.

I want to live as a hikikomori without ever leaving the house.

So, I want them to leave me alone.

ㅤ

The reason I became mentally ill is very simple.

It’s very simple, and that’s why it’s hopeless.

ㅤ

The appearance I was born with.

ㅤ

This is the root of all evil.

I, well, it’s weird to say it myself, but I was a stunningly beautiful girl.

A beautiful girl who would make ten out of ten people turn around when I walked down the street.

That was me.

Back when I could still walk outside normally, it was annoying how entertainment scouts would swarm around me like moths.

ㅤ

But, if that was all, it would have been fine.

It was within the range of what I could normally tolerate.

The worst part was that the people who got involved with me, more or less, had special feelings for me.

I was overwhelmingly loved by men and envied by women.

ㅤ

Especially when I was trapped in a small space called school, it was the worst.

A lot of boys became my stalkers.

I was bullied by girls in a nasty way.

I was even almost raped.

Those guys were all expelled, but even after they were expelled, there were hardcore perverts who continued to stalk me and were thrown into a juvenile detention center.

Die.

ㅤ

There were some people who tried to protect me, but most of them were boys trying to raise their favorability with me, and that’s not much different from stalkers.

After all, both of them look at me with sexual eyes.

It’s disgustingly disgusting.

Die.

ㅤ

Eventually, going to school became genuinely painful, and my mental state reached its limit, and I became a hikikomori.

A few months later.

I’m doing a job that I can do while staying at home so that no one can complain, earning an income, and making a living as a respectable hikikomori working adult.

It’s hard to stop the [Escape from Hikikomori Plan! ~Mamori-chan Rehabilitation Project~] that my parents occasionally plan,

But if you subtract that, I think I’ve managed to achieve a life that can be called peaceful, at least.

ㅤ

━So, I never thought.

ㅤ

That such a delicate happiness would crumble away without any warning.

ㅤ

“. . .What. . .you. . .?!”

“. . .Shut. . .up. . .die. . .!”

“. . .Mamori. . .run. . .!”

ㅤ

Suddenly, I heard a loud noise from the first floor.

A sound like a fight.

A sound like a shout.

My room is on the second floor, and I was watching late-night anime, so I was a little late to notice.

By the time I hurriedly turned down the volume of the TV, all I could hear was the sound of someone running up the stairs with great force.

ㅤ

And then, within a few seconds, the door to my room was forced open.

Even though I had locked it, it was kicked open as if it didn’t matter.

ㅤ

In front of the broken door, there was a skinny man with glasses.

ㅤ

“Haa. . .Haa. . .! I wanted to see you, Mamoriiiiin!”

ㅤ

He, excitedly breathing roughly, looked at me with bloodshot eyes and called me by the detestable nickname given to me during my student days.

Everything about this man grates on my nerves.

My blood drains, goosebumps rise, cold sweat breaks out, and tears flow.

My teeth chatter uncontrollably, and I’m paralyzed with fear.

ㅤ

But amidst all this, my gaze was fixed on the man’s right hand.

More precisely, on what was held in the man’s right hand.

ㅤ

In the man’s hand was a knife, dripping with a bright red liquid.

ㅤ

“. . .eh.”

ㅤ

A hoarse voice escapes from my mouth.

In my confused mind, jumbled thoughts come and go.

ㅤ

Blood? A knife? Whose blood? Who is this guy anyway? A robber? Then, that means, Papa and Mama’s. . .

ㅤ

“I finally found you! I came to pick you up, my angel!

You must have been lonely too, right?! Everyone is so cruel! Even though we are lovers tied by the red thread of fate, they forcibly separate us!

Those who do such things deserve to die! The school, the police, your parents who bind you!

But don’t worry! I killed them properly!

I couldn’t do anything about the school or the police, but at least, I killed those old nuisances and made sure they were dead!

Now I can finally set you free! Come on! Let’s start our love escape!”

ㅤ

The man screams like a madman.

There was something in his words that I couldn’t ignore.

ㅤ

Killed?

Who?

Old nuisances?

Does he mean Papa and Mama?

ㅤ

The moment my brain correctly recognized that cruel fact, despair struck my heart.

Papa and Mama were the only allies I had in this world.

I hated that they tried to take me outside, and I was irritated by their lack of understanding about hikikomori, 

But still, Papa and Mama were the only people in this world that I could be with without rejecting.

And now they’re dead. . .

ㅤ

“Ah! But before that! We’ve finally reunited! Let’s love each other to our heart’s content! I can’t wait any longer!”

ㅤ

While I was being crushed by despair, the man approached me, spouting crazy words.

Overwhelmed by fear and despair, and simply outmatched in physical strength, I was grabbed by the wrist and pushed down without much resistance.

ㅤ

“No! No!”

“Let’s start with a kiss of promise!”

ㅤ

I desperately shake my head and flail my limbs in resistance.

The hard sensation hitting my stomach area is particularly disgusting.

ㅤ

“You’re not honest at all!”

“Ahg?!”

ㅤ

Then, I was slapped hard with the hand that wasn’t holding the knife.

The restraint on one hand was released, but the pain temporarily stopped my body from moving.

ㅤ

“Ah?! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt you!

That’s right! You’re a shy girl who can’t even make eye contact with me!

A sudden kiss was too soon! I’ll reflect on it!”

ㅤ

The man rambled on in a flustered manner.

But then he said something terrifying.

ㅤ

“But! I can’t seem to control my excitement anymore!”

ㅤ

The hard thing on my stomach grew noticeably larger.

Realizing what it meant, I thrashed about more violently than before.

ㅤ

“I’m sorry! I really wanted to have our first time in a more romantic atmosphere! But it’s your fault for being too attractive!

Don’t worry! I’ll be gentle. . .”

ㅤ

As he said this, the man lifted his hips, and my legs were freed.

ㅤ

At that moment, I drove my knee into the man’s groin with all my might.

ㅤ

Along with a disgusting squishy sensation, I felt like I had crushed something soft with my knee.

ㅤ

“~~~~~~~~?!”

ㅤ

The man clutched his groin and writhed in agony.

The restraint on my wrist was also released.

And near my hand was the blood-soaked knife that the man had let go of in a split second.

ㅤ

I plunged it into the man’s neck with all my might.

ㅤ

Over and over again.

I stabbed him frantically.

Blood spurted from the man’s body onto me.

My sanctuary was being stained with bright red paint.

Still, I kept stabbing the man with the knife until his wound was a mess of minced meat.

ㅤ

“Haa. . .Haa. . .”

ㅤ

When my arm got tired and stopped moving, I finally stopped my hand, pushed away the man’s motionless body, and escaped from the state of being pushed down.

I think the man is probably, no, definitely dead.

And looking at the man’s face filled with agony in death, I finally remembered.

ㅤ

“This guy. . .the stalker from that time. . .!”

ㅤ

The pervert who followed me around in my first year and was expelled, and even after being expelled, he didn’t stop stalking and was thrown into a juvenile detention center.

No, it doesn’t matter who this guy is now.

ㅤ

“Ugh. . .”

ㅤ

Holding my cheek that hurt from being hit, I left the room and went down the stairs.

And I’m heading to the first floor.

Praying that this bad premonition will be wrong.

ㅤ

But reality was cruel.

ㅤ

“. . .Ah.”

ㅤ

It was there in the hallway on the first floor.

The thing I didn’t want to be there.

ㅤ

“Papa. . .Mama. . .”

ㅤ

There were the bodies of my parents, fallen as if piled on top of each other.

There was a lot of blood, and a pool of blood was forming around the two of them.

No matter how you think about it, it’s a fatal amount of bleeding.

ㅤ

I touched the necks of the two with my trembling hand.

There was no pulse.

ㅤ

ㅤ

I don’t remember much about what happened after that.

The fact that Papa and Mama died, the fact that I killed someone, it all happened so suddenly that my emotions couldn’t keep up.

I don’t even think about reporting to the police, I just feel like I was stunned.

ㅤ

Eventually, the morning sun rose.

But I didn’t have the energy to care about that.

I lost consciousness at some point.

ㅤ

But just before I lost consciousness.

ㅤ

“?”

ㅤ🔹ᴀᴡᴇʙsᴛᴏʀɪᴇs.ᴄᴏᴍ ― ɪɴᴅuʟɢᴇ ɪɴ ᴀ ᴄᴏʟʟᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏғ ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛᴇᴅ ɴᴏᴠᴇʟs ᴡɪᴛʜ “ᴅᴀɪʟʏ ᴜᴘᴅᴀᴛᴇs” ᴀɴᴅ ᴇxᴄʟᴜsɪᴠᴇ ᴀᴄᴄᴇss ᴛᴏ ᴀᴅᴠᴀɴᴄᴇᴅ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀs🔹

I felt like something like a shining magic circle was floating all over the floor.

With my tired heart and head, I couldn’t even be surprised by such a mysterious phenomenon.

ㅤ

I let go of my consciousness as it was

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