Riding the Rails in Japan: Clean, (Mostly) Safe, and Always on Time

Are Japanese trains the holy grail of public transportation? Let me tell you, folks, they’re pretty darn close.

First of all, punctuality. These trains are like clockwork. I’m talking, if they’re five minutes late, the conductor will probably just time travel to make up for it. I’m not even kidding.

But let’s talk about cleanliness. Japan is a clean freak’s paradise and their trains are no exception. I once saw a little kid spill their drink on the floor and before I could even offer to help, the mother had alerted a station worker and they were on it like white on rice. I’m telling you, these trains are cleaner than my grandmother’s house (and she’s a cleaning machine).

Now, safety is a bit of a mixed bag. Unfortunately, trains can get pretty crowded and sometimes women can be subjected to unwanted touching. But Japan’s got that covered. If a woman even suspects someone of gropey behavior, they’ll be detained and charged. It’s like a superhero power. And for even more protection, they’ve got “women only” cars. Before the Tokyo Olympics, they were thinking of getting rid of them, but the public was having none of it. So, yeah, it can be a bit unsafe for both men and women, but Japan’s got it under control.

All in all, I give Japanese trains a solid A+. Clean, safe (for the most part), and on time. What more could you ask for?


Today, we’re taking a journey to a small Welsh island, where we’ll witness a seagull, whom we shall affectionately nickname “Kirby,” take his love for shearwaters to new and disturbing…


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